We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
