I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
