How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
