I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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