Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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