Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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