dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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