I'm really into asian looking animals
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
