She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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