also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
