And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
