anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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