you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
