Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
