Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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