Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
