Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
