Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
