When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
