Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
