She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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