he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
