I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
