I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
