I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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