I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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