This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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