You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh god it's open bar.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
