It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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