I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
