I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
