Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
