We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
