I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
