you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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