you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
