I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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