he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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