Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
