You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
