If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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