i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
