He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
And then he peed in my hair
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