need another drink. this is the easiest way
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just tell him i said nine months
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
