ya dads aren't the best wingmen
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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