The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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