margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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