guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
