mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
