dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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