Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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