Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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