So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
