I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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