you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
