dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Found your dick twin last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
