She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think pants incapable of making pants work
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
