I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
