why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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