I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
