He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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