I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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