wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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