I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
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this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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