My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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